


Secret Satan

by Alistra (ALeaseInWonderland)



Category: Marvel
Genre: Christmas, F/M, Gen, One Shot, Seasonal, Secret Santa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:40:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28241790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ALeaseInWonderland/pseuds/Alistra
Summary: We all know Secret Santa, but what about SecretSatan?Fun one-shot.
Relationships: Clint Barton/Natasha Romanov, Pepper Potts/Tony Stark
Comments: 2
Kudos: 20





	Secret Satan

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AlphaFlyer](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlphaFlyer/gifts).



> Thank you to gsparkle for beta and generally being a joy to be around (virtually but genuinely).

"I've made huge mistake."

Deeply nestled into piles of pillows, Natasha cracks one eye open and reaches out a hand to fumble for the phone on her nightstand. A very nervous Tony Stark is pacing back and forth, the one-sided video connection crystal clear as the call fills the small rectangle of her Starkphone screen without anything so pedestrian as waiting to be accepted.

Careful not to jostle the comfortable weight of sleeping archer across her chest, Natasha quietly asks, "Did you build another sentient robot set on ending life as we know it?"

"That was _one time_ and I thought we'd agreed on pulling an Elsa and letting that go," Tony replies, pointing an accusing finger at the camera. "Besides, why can't I see you? You are subverting one of marketing's main selling arguments for the Starkphone 6. What's a video call without video? Where are you anyway? The 1980s? Are you busy crimping your hair, is that it?"

Natasha makes sure that the smile she bestows on the cartoon cupid sticker over her phone's camera is audible in her voice when she answers. "Was your 'huge mistake' hijacking my phone to open a video connection without my express consent? If so, I am aware and am going to hang up now."

"No! No no no, I apologize profusely for the infringement on your privacy and solemnly swear not to do it again-" he coughs in a way that bears peculiar resemblance to the word _today_ "-but I do need your help. Remember we said we'd do a secret santa at the tower this year?"  
Barely waiting for her acknowledging hum, Tony sets off pacing again, "I promised Pepper to organize all of it. I mean how hard can it be? And maybe, possibly, _potentially_ , there was a wager of an intimate nature involved-"

"Tony..." Natasha's exasperated eye-rolling turns fond smile as her aimlessly tousling of Clint's hair earns her a happy sigh.

"Yes, yes, TMI. Anyway. It's imperative that this whole affair works without a hitch, else I am royally fucked." Tony stares off into the distance for a distracted, pensive second, adding, as if to himself, "quite literally. After all, she _is_ a queen among women..."

"I am hanging up now," Natasha tells him sweetly.

"Wait!" Tony shakes himself out of whatever place his mind has just gone and turns wide, pleading eyes on the camera. "Please. There's a typo on the cards. Instead of Secret Santa, they invite all our team mates to participate in Secret _Satan_ and Nat-" he searches for the right words. "You know the kind of pranksters we work with. This is a recipe for unmitigated disaster."

"Sounds fun," she replies evenly, enjoying his tortured expression far too much. "What do you expect me to do about it?"

"Please, _please,_ steal the invitations and replace them with the correct ones without anyone noticing."

"Wouldn't that violate the terms of your bet with Pepper?"

Tony makes a face that Natasha is sure every teacher he's ever had must've been far too familiar with. "Well... technically this should fall under _creative trouble-shooting_ , so I'm sure it'll be fine!"

Even without a video feed, the silence that follows makes Natasha's disbelief clear.

"Why don't you let me worry about that," Tony says (and by the looks of it, he will do so in abundance). "You're the best spy in the business, if anyone can pull it off, it's you!"

"That's just a fact, not even flattery. What's in it for me?"

Conflicting emotions flit over his face for a beat. "If you manage to exchange all the invitations without getting noticed and, most importantly, if Pepper never hears a word about any of this, I'll owe you one."

Natasha physically perks up, the motion prompting a snuffling snore on her chest.

"What was that?" Tony's brows have drawn together. "Do you have a dog now?"

"Text me the list of where you sent the cards and I'll see what I can do," Natasha says quickly, signing off before Tony can add another word.

"What was that?" Clint mumbles into the dip beneath her clavicle.

"I think your typo prank with the cards just earned us an I.O.U. from Tony," Natasha says with a smile, pulling the blanket back over both their heads.


End file.
